


(Don't) Tell Me Why

by PokeChan



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Angst, post-Yama, very vague
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/pseuds/PokeChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After six months they're reunited with the children and with language back in play Kurogane needs the answer to an important question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Don't) Tell Me Why

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a scene I've had bopping around in my head for a while that I finally managed to get written down.

“It’s nice,” Fai says, voice soft in the dark room. “Seeing them again, sleeping safe and sound.”

“Definitely better than the alternative,” Kurogane agrees.

The both of them are leaning against the door frame watching Syaoran and Sakura breathe, little chests rising and falling in slow, even movements while they dream. Six months they’d been apart, less time to the children and Kurogane can only be thankful for that stroke of random luck. This past half a year has been hell, and not only in the way that war is, blood soaked battlefields echoing with the cries of the wounded and dying. 

He and Fai had had enough trouble between the two of them, language gone and communication all but stolen entirely from them. Eventually they’d found something that had worked. They had had to, the other option had been to fall apart at the seams and Kurogane had not been willing to allow such a thing.

He still isn’t. 

It’s only been a day since they’ve been reunited with the kids and the manjuu. From one world right into the next, and now that he and Fai are something like alone again Kurogane wants to clear up a few things that the language barrier of Yama had kept them from.

Fai seems to have a vaguely similar idea, blue eyes glinting wickedly at Kurogane as soon as the pair of them enter the room they’ve acquired for themselves. His idea seems to be more hands on than Kurogane’s, though. Fai’s hands are quick and nimble where they slide under Kurogane’s shirt, dangerous with practice where his nail drag against Kurogane’s skin. “I’ve been wondering what all those things Kuro-sama says during sex mean,” he says, leaning up for a kiss that back in Yama he would have received without hesitation.

Kurogane steps back, wraps his hands firmly, though not unkindly, around Fai’s wrists, thin and deceptively fragile under his large hands, and keeps them between them. “We need to talk first.”

The word “first” is important because Kurogane has no intention of ending this… whatever it might be between them so long as Fai remains a willing participant and Kurogane doesn’t decide it’s doing them more harm than good. He wants this, he wants Fai, but with language back with them he has questions he needs answered.

Fai doesn’t look like he likes the idea of talking about this, and Kurogane’s not surprised. He doesn’t expect to get much in the way of answers, but he needs to at least ask, Fai’s lies and even his facial expressions will offer him some sort of clue as to what this all means and where they are going with it, because Kurogane doesn’t want this to mean nothing. He’s growing dangerously attached to Fai. 

Kurogane has accepted that he loves the children as good as if they were his own, he knows he’ll do whatever it takes to protect them. Fai is different, though. Fai is not a child that needs protecting and guiding. Damaged he might be -- and Kurogane is very, very sure there is a great deal of damage left to uncover within Fai -- he is Kurogane’s equal, and thus he is to be regarded differently than the children. He doesn’t know the extent of his feelings for Fai, there are too many questions between them, too many secrets, but Kurogane can already tell that Fai is beginning to mean something to him, something terrifyingly dear.

“Must we?” Fai asks with a smile full of false cheer and it’s more of an insult than ever before. “Talks like this always ruin the mood.”

“There will be other moods,” Kurogane says flatly. He refuses to budge on this and something in his expressions must make that clear to Fai. He sighs and takes his hands back from Kurogane.

Already Fai is defensive and Kurogane, while unsurprised, is annoyed and a little hurt if he’s willing to admit it. He would have thought after all of those months he’d have earned a bit more of Fai’s trust than this. “Alright, I know when Kuro-stubborn has to have his way. What is it you want to talk about?”

“This,” Kurogane says, gesturing between them. He doesn’t have a word for what it is, he’s not even sure if there is a word or if they can be defined at all. “Us.”

Fai’s smile shifts, looks more like a polite question now. “What about this and us? It’s a bit late to be wondering if this is a good idea or not.”

It’s clear by Fai’s tone that this is only going to be treated like a game. Normally, Kurogane would try to force himself past all of that, but it’s been a long six months and he feels like it’s all caught up with him at once. He is tired and his family is safe. He doesn’t have the energy for word games, so he cuts to the quick.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks. If he gets one thing out of this he wants it to be an answer to that question. Why does Fai fall into his bed at night? Why does Fai touch him and allow himself to be touched? If it was nothing more than an escape from the loneliness of Yama he will stop soon, and Kurogane wants to be prepared for that, lest he overstep a line. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” says Kurogane with thinning patience. “Why have we been sleeping together? You’ve just made it clear you want to keep doing this. Why?” Fai opens his mouth and before he even says a word Kurogane is shushing him. “Don’t lie to me about this. I don’t care how vague your answer is, just make it the truth,” he tries not to sound like he’s begging, but he’s not sure if he misses the mark or not. “Please.”

He is toeing an increasingly fine line with Fai and he’s not sure if he wants to cross it or not. Either way, Kurogane thinks, he doubts he’ll have a choice in the matter when push comes to shove. You do not pick and choose who becomes precious to you.

The smile on Fai’s face dims to something real and affectionate, if a little sad, and he steps closer to Kurogane and Kurogane does not stop him. He looks thoughtful for a second before he takes one of Kurogane’s hands. “I’m doing this because I am enjoying it, and enjoying you. That’s why I’ve been sleeping with you.”

Kurogane has no way of knowing if Fai is being honest with him, but everything in him believes what he hears.

“And what about Kuro-rin?” Fai asks and Kurogane cannot name the emotion he sees in blue eyes. He makes to answer, it’s only fair and he’s nothing to hide, when Fai presses and single finger to his lips. “Since I told the truth, Kuro-sama should tell a lie.”

“What?”

Fai leans in even closer and the air around them shifts. “I want to know what Kuro-sama looks like when he lies. I don’t care what you say, just make it untrue.”

Kurogane can’t tell if this was some sort of game or a twisted form of self flagellation on Fai’s part, but fair is fair and Fai’s request is simple enough. He doesn’t know what Fai expects him to say, but he takes a moment to think as Fai watches and finally settles on something that he feels might still get a proper message across. At least, he hopes it will.

“Because I have nothing better to do.”

The bewilderment on Fai’s face is almost comical. “Huh?”

“I’m sharing my bed and my body with you,” he says -- slowly, clearly. Falsely. “Because I have nothing better to do.”

Fai wanted a lie and he damn well got one. Kurogane watches several emotions race through Fai’s eyes, few of which Kurogane can surely name, but then they are closed and Fai is smiling and sliding a hand around the back of Kurogane’s neck, fingers trailing into his hair (hair that Fai will pull soon, tugging Kurogane’s head back to press a hungry mouth against the skin of his neck). “That was a good talk,” Fai says and his voice is low and stern. He’s given all he’s going to give to Kurogane tonight. 

Pushing for more answers will be like trying to draw blood from a stone and the promising line of Fai’s body against his seems like a far more rewarding venture. He meets Fai for a kiss and enjoys the hard press of fingers and the tight hold of hands and tries not to think too hard about it.  
He doesn’t know what Fai had expected to hear, but Kurogane does know that what he said hadn’t been anticipated. He knows his message got through, but it also wound up forcing Fai away from him, scaring him. Two steps forward, one step back. It’s infuriating, but it’s progress.

They kiss. They share a bed. There will be other nights to talk.


End file.
